N.U.M.B

there are times in life that i feel so alone. now is one of those (not so rare) times.
i feel so alone, when there's people around me. i feel so much more alone, when im alone.
hope is such a cruel thing. you hope, and you got crushed. you dont hope, you'll feel lifeless. it's not good either way. feeling alone eventually brings numbness. thats exactly how i felt right now. alone, and numb. if only i didn't dare hope, i wouldn't feel so empty, alone and numb. which, will lead to self hate. and other people hate too. and eventually, i start to hate to world, and everything in it. i'll start becoming blind to all the beauty the world have to offer, and only see hate, and ugly things. by now, i already never smile. smile is a foreign thing. and difficult. and i almost never cry. emotions is something i feel as a waste of time. and then i turn cold. all doors are now shut. nobody, not even me, could enter.